Because he looks ridiculous, is a streaky player, has pixie cheekbones despite being 6-foot-7, reads as “posh” and “soft” in a sport that complicatedly worships killers with no nerves in their knuckles, has a sense of humor, is married to a woman who is noticeably hotter than he is, and tends to be photographed in the process of transforming himself into comedic aerial hieroglyphs — e.g., this, and this and this — Peter Crouch gets a bad rap. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that Peter Crouch is not often judged with the benefit of nuance. Stoke City’s gangliest forward is a very good finesse player who is not quite a great finesse player, and because he’s nine inches taller than the average striker with his skill profile, the distance between “great” and “very good” turns out to be roughly the distance between “respectable member of civilization” and “weirdo sadface parking-lot carnival clown.”
People make fun of Peter Crouch. A lot of people. Q. What would Peter Crouch be if he wasn’t a footballer? A. A virginBoth Ronaldo (original version) and Ronaldinho have had their reputations suffer after they became drive-by Internet targets. But for both players, the mockery started after they’d passed their primes, won World Cups and Player of the Year awards, and generally unhinged jaws with their greatness (Ronaldo at the 2002 World Cup, Ronaldinho winning a standing ovation at the Bernabeu, etc.). For Crouch, the mockery has followed the whole arc of his career, and he doesn’t have best-in-class talent.'>
The Saturday night after the Stanford game, Ralphie II, the Colorado Buffaloes mascot, died at the age of 12. Ralphie III was still in training, so the Buffs, who had not yet had a mascot on the field in the 1987 season, would go without until the October 17th homecoming game against Kansas. — Fun with Initials. It didn’t happen all at once. There are currently 3093 games across both this page (A to L) and the remainder of the list from M to Z. For a chronological list, click the sort button in any of the available region's column. Games dated December 3, 1994 (JP), September 9, 1995 (NA), September 29, 1995 (EU), and November 15, 1995 (AU) are launch titles of each region. On October 30, 1966, 18-year-old Cheri Jo Bates, a student of Riverside Community College, spent the evening at the campus library annex until it closed at 9:00 p.m. Neighbors reported hearing a scream around 10:30 p.m. Bates was found dead the next morning, a short distance from the library, between two abandoned houses slated to be demolished.
Well, last Saturday, Crouch did something amazing, coming out of the relative nowhere of the Stoke City front line to score what was arguably the goal of the Premier League season — against Manchester City, no less:
So allow me the obligatory moment to point this out: Peter Crouch is really, really underrated. Throughout his career, he’s been consistently underestimated, not only by fans but also by his own managers. It’s as if, because he looks like Kevin Durant being possessed by the spirit of Princess Diana, no one quite believes that his contributions are real; there must be some other explanation for whatever he does. Or maybe because what he looks like he should be good at (standing stock-still in front of the goal and heading in 90-degree crosses) isn’t what he’s actually good at (playmaking; complexly unhinging his own skeleton in order to strike the ball), managers see deploying him as a puzzle they can’t quite solve. Either way, his career has followed the trajectory of his England experience — success followed by embarrassed extenuation followed by lolcats.
Consider the 2006-07 season. That year, Crouch led Liverpool in scoring with 18 goals. He also finished with nine assists, just one behind inspirational club talisman™ Steven Gerrard, who started 17 more games than Crouch did. Liverpool finished third in the Premier League, a then-unsatisfactory result that looks positively idyllic now. So that’s not a bad year, right? Being the leading scorer on a Champions League-bound title contender? But it was partly Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez’s reluctance to rely on Crouch that led Liverpool to buy Fernando Torres from Atlético Madrid during the summer transfer window.The line that “Crouch is very good with the ball at his feet…for a big man” is such a cliché that jokes about the cliché are at this point themselves cliché. But it’s worth pointing out that he’s better with the ball at his head than people think.'>5 In 2007-08, Crouch was relegated to the bench for long stretches, never given enough playing time to establish a run of form, and never given the chance to gel with Torres. He still finished tied for third on the team with 11 goals. Liverpool, after reformulating its entire attack around the brilliance of Torres, finished fourth in the league. The year after that, Crouch was sold to Portsmouth.
The golazo against Man City does a surprisingly good job of illustrating Crouch’s strengths and weaknesses. The ball comes flying down toward him about four yards outside the area (he’s got an instinct for positioning), and because he’s unmarked (he’s relatively easy to muscle out of position) he’s able to control it with a weird Russian-folk-dance flick-step (he has a deft first touch and oddly bendable limbs) and he then realizes (he’s creative) that he has a high angle over the goalkeeper, so he connects with a roundhouse volley (he has very good technique) before the ball can touch the ground, and the shot takes a lucky dip (he’s a little erratic) over Joe Hart and slides in under the crossbar. He’s not exactly a target man, he’s not exactly a goal poacher, and he’s definitely not a do-everything center forward who can drop back and run at the defense. He’s unique, which makes him confounding in a traditional lineup, but his game has enough limitations that it’s not quite obvious how to build a team around him. And yet good things tend to happen when he plays. So he ends up either battling away at smaller clubs like Portsmouth and Stoke, or getting uneven minutes at bigger clubs like Tottenham and Liverpool.
He’s an innovative player, only the territory he’s mapped out is a no-man’s-land where aesthetic problems collapse into tactical problems. The fact that he’s built a career out of mining this terrain is a testament to how skilled he is at what he’s skilled at.
I have a not-particularly-well-worked-out theory that Crouch is a sort of subliminal scapegoat figure for the decline of England as an international soccer power. The 2006 World Cup was the last moment when there was genuine optimism around the England team. A lot of that optimism was centered around Wayne Rooney, a player who, for all his skill, doesn’t really challenge English soccer’s traditional ideal of toughness. (He looks like a bulldog, he smokes, he has a temper, he poses hysterically screaming in cruciform St. George’s-cross-body-paint photos that make him look as if he has just feasted on the blood of Frenchmen, etc.) Then, just before the tournament kicked off, Rooney broke his metatarsal and had to miss the first two games. Crouch filled in for him. When Rooney came back, Michael Owen blew out his knee, and Crouch had to fill in for him. It seemed as if, at every turn, England’s brave strikers were being struck down, and the nation’s dwindling hopes were shunted onto the incongruously thin and indeed vaguely girlish shoulders of Peter Crouch, who danced like a goofball robot and also ate nachos like one. It wasn’t Crouch’s fault that England didn’t win the World Cup; they wouldn’t have won with Pele at striker that year. But it’s natural, though not remotely fair, that he’s always been covertly blamed for it.
Even if you don’t buy the England’s-resentment idea, Crouch still poses a fascinating aesthetic problem. Soccer, arguably more than any other team sport, emphasizes the contrasts in players’ individual styles. The best players, particularly the best attacking players, also tend to be the ones who make the game look cool. Think of Messi’s smoothness, Maradona’s fearlessness, Zidane’s toying with space.In fairness, this joke was first told by Crouch himself.'>6 Crouch, by contrast, makes soccer look elbowy and uncomfortable and hilarious. So what does it say that he still gets results? What does it mean for our very serious game if someone can succeed who looks so silly playing it?
Both Ronaldo (original version) and Ronaldinho have had their reputations suffer after they became drive-by Internet targets. But for both players, the mockery started after they’d passed their primes, won World Cups and Player of the Year awards, and generally unhinged jaws with their greatness (Ronaldo at the 2002 World Cup, Ronaldinho winning a standing ovation at the Bernabeu, etc.). For Crouch, the mockery has followed the whole arc of his career, and he doesn’t have best-in-class talent.
He was booed by England fans when subbed in during his second international game.
And for precisely the same reasons.
In fairness to Benitez, Crouch had opened his career at Liverpool with a four-month goal drought. No one’s arguing that he’s Leo Messi here, although on the other hand it’s not as if Fernando Torres is a stranger to long-term goal droughts.
The line that “Crouch is very good with the ball at his feet…for a big man” is such a cliché that jokes about the cliché are at this point themselves cliché. But it’s worth pointing out that he’s better with the ball at his head than people think.
In fairness, this joke was first told by Crouch himself.
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The Seahawks likely had an inkling before Tuesday’s trade deadline that receiver Sidney Rice was done for the year. But in lieu of making a trade for a wideout or bringing back, say, an aging wideout known widely by his initials who was in camp last season, the Seahawks have decided to stay in house to replace Rice.
The team announced that Ricardo Lockette has been bumped up from the practice squad to the 53-man roster, and that Rice has been placed on season-ending injured reserve.
Receiver Josh Lenz has taken Lockette’s place on the practice squad.
Lockette got his career started with the Seahawks as an undrafted free agent in 2011. He appeared in a pair of regular season games that year, notching two receptions for 105 yards, including a 61-yard touchdown.
Cut before the 2012 season, Lockette spent all of 2012 on the 49ers’ practice squad, establishing a close friendship with quarterback Colin Kaepernick. But Lockette was cut by the 49ers in August, and he spent September and most of October on Chicago’s practice squad.
Dumped by the Bears on October 21, the Seahawks brought Lockette back to the practice squad the next day. Eight days later, he’s back on the 53-man roster.
Lockette officially rejoins the Seahawks on the same day the 49ers waived receiver Marlon Moore, an undrafted free agent in 2013.
It’s not known whether Kaepernick demands an explanation.